Friday, June 28, 2013

554 : So Far, So Close.


Imaginary Garden with Real Toads has the prompt "Loss".

So Far, So Close.

I couldn’t have been much further away,
Up a volcano in Ecuador,
If it hadn’t have been raining
I wouldn’t have known at all.
A spare moment to fill, 
A chance checking of the email,
Yes, even up a volcano in Ecuador,
And the world turned upside down.

The stomach tightening ride to Quito,
The frantic efforts to retrieve our passports 
Despite tales to the contrary 
The Cubans were very helpful.
The eighteen hour transit at Santiago
That seemed like it would never end.
The dash from the airport to the hospital.

And there you were.

Plumbed.  
Drugged.  
Unconscious.

And so you remained until the machines
Told us that you had left the room.

I so wish you could read my poems.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2013
---

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66 comments:

  1. Two difficult journeys, positioned side by side, and neither destination was reached by an easy pathway. Despite the sensitivity of your subject, your narrative style turned a crisis into poetry which impacts on your reader.

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    1. Thank you. it has taken about 5 years to write anything about it.

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  2. I am impressed with your handling of this topic. Your poem has a genuine flow that kept me reading on edge. I especially like your ending.

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  3. I could feel the loss in this like a punch in the stomach. Very effective. That feeling of helplessness when a loved one is in trouble and you're not there. Perfectly conveyed and so sad.

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    1. Helplessness is a good word. Well, maybe not good. Appropriate.

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  4. " ... left the room ... " OUCH
    Such helplessness, such longing for the one who could read ...

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    1. He loved English and playing with words. My poem count was 38 when he died. Over 600 on the two sites now.

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  5. Beautifully written but so very sad.
    xoxoxo ♡

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  6. Shoot. I shouldn't have read Kerry's comment. She said it perfectly. Beautiful work J.

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  7. Skillful parallels in this poem that evokes so much sadness and loss.

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    1. There was plenty to evoke ast the time. Still raw in places.

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  8. wow, this one is expertly crafted and pulls the reader in. From the spare moment of checking e-mail to checking out of a room, this was compelling and spot on. Well done and viva la

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  9. You have totally nailed it. Beautiful, riveting write!

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    1. Nails and rivets! Thank you. :-)

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  10. Your last line breaks my heart. I'm sorry for your loss, your poem really touched my heart.

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    1. Yes, Mama Z, me too. It was hard to read it after I wrote it.

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  12. This is so painful...the ending tears at me.

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  13. Yes, there are two striking realities side by side in this poem. Thanks for sharing this poem with us for FBF at Toads.

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    1. And thank you Fireblossom, for the prompt. It certainly unleashed something!

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  14. Journeys can be very trying and tiring. One can certainly appear or are lost in the many tensions that erupt. There are the crowd,baggage,little children crying,the heat and host of others! Great write Cosmo!

    Hank

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    1. Can't help feeling that this guy didn't read the poem to the end.

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    2. You may have missed the plot, Hank.

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  15. Replies
    1. Thank you RDG, that means a lot to me.

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  16. Wow. Heart-breaking and all too real. Brilliant. And I am a bit misty here...

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  17. Heart-breaking and well-written.

    I certainly hope this one is fiction... If not, I'm so sorry for your loss.

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    1. No, not fiction. My father, in 2008.

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  18. I am so sorry for your loss. It was your father-I am so, so sorry!
    I lost my father suddenly. He spoke to me and two hours later gone...

    You were brave to share and it is so well done and expressive~

    Remember the rosy glass view of your Dad. It is what keeps them alive in our hearts n' soul~

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    1. Thank you Ella, it took a while before I could write about it.

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  19. Cos, I also wrote of natural disasters and tragedy, but nothing this personal. I am wiping away tears as I read this. Is there any feeling more helpless than being miles away from a loved one in distress? I hope you never go through this again, and whoever that loved one was, they rest in peace and gentle breezes now...

    Thank you for opening your heart with this poem. Amy

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    1. Thanks Amy, there are still various aspects of this story that I can't talk about in person with out getting choked up.

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  20. The closing. So real and only someone who loves us would get it.

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  21. This is heart-breaking, JC. So hard to try so hard to get there to see him & then find him hooked up to machines when you got there, never again to break free. An experience like this lives with / affects a person forever for sure. I know that this poem was hard for you to write, but I commend you for doing it.

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    1. Thanks Mary. It was a while coming.

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  22. heart-breaking indeed.and such well-crafted poem as well. the most intimate grief often doesn't translate into a good poem.this one does.

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    1. It was done in a quick sweep, no over-thinking, no editing.

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  23. I agree with Lolamouse.. "I could feel the loss in this like a punch in the stomach." I like how you ended the poem.. has left the room, so the machines had told. Heart-braking.

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  24. whew...what an intense pairing of stories...the tension of the volcano trip spilled over into the losing of them...then that last sentiment on wishing they could read your words...rings heavy...nice write...

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    1. Thanks Brian. I only dabble in free-form occasionally but it really lent itself to this.

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  25. Ah a perfect description of a circle of life journey - ending as they always seem to do far too soon and with a painful jolt of inexplicable loss - which you managed to convey elegantly, brilliantly and with boundless love.

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    1. Thank you Pearl, there is a degree of relief in writing thing like this down.

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  26. What a journey getting there! The struggle, and what an unexpected ending line! You described it well. There was good tension in the unfolding of your heartfelt, sad poem.

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    1. It was written very quickly, in one sweeping moment.

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  27. Ditto to many of the comments especially Lolamouse's punch in the stomach! I write with tears in my eyes..... but I like to think that he has read your poems.Thank you for sharing this poem! Peace to you.Tanka Whirl

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  28. So hard, so very hard---I think it takes a long time for events like this to make their way into our writing--and it take a lot of courage to get there--so thank you so much for sharing this-

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    1. I wont say it was a pleasure, but thank you.

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  29. So sad a journey for you and I do so hope a cathartic write. I am certain your dad would have loved your poems.

    Anna

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    1. Thank you. He has some backreading to do. I was at about #38 when he died.

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  30. Very moving,heartfelt and finally a necessary cartharsis.You have friends who care Cosmo.

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    1. Thank you Rall. I wish I could return all the eHugs I have recieved through this.

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  31. Ive read and reread this. It is so beautiful. Thanks for writing it and Im so sorry you had to. It couldn't have been easy but I hope it brought some relief.

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  32. Your desperate trek and your loss are vivid and moving. I am sorry too that you can’t share your poetry. It is beautiful.

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